Thursday, October 16, 2008

Happy Birthday Brooklyn

Our baby girl would have turned one year old today. Today has been so bitter sweet. We are so excited for her sissy Aubrey and all that she's accomplished this year. At the same time, I'm extremely sad that Brooklyn's not here to celebrate her birthday. I just wonder what life would be like for us if she was here with us. I just miss her dearly. I still feel guilty for the way things turned out. I know everyone says I shouldn't feel guilty about it, but I do. I can't help it. I was her Mommy and I couldn't stop the pain she had to endure. I couldn't help her as she lay there in my arms, swollen beyond recognition, taking her very last breath. I couldn't help her. That's what keeps me awake at night. It was my job as her Mommy to keep her safe, and I couldn't do that.

The only peace I have is knowing that now she is safe and her heart is whole in heaven. She won't ever feel pain again. One day we'll see her again. I guess what I can't wrap my head around is whether or not she'll be baby or grown up when we see her again. I just hope that I recognize her when I see her again far in the future.

I miss you Miss B. You are loved so very much. Happy Birthday baby girl!

2 comments:

Alison said...

a sweet tribute, to your sweet baby.

Happy Birthday Baby B.

Karen said...

you and andy are amazing parents, both aubrey and brooklyn are so lucky to have you as their mommy and daddy. when you do see brooklyn again, you will recognize her right away, she is your daughter, your little girl, your flesh and blood. when that day comes, it will be so nice to see her healthy and happy.

happy birthday brooklyn, you are an amazing little girl.